


WWZ Drabbles

by otterdictator



Category: World War Z - Max Brooks
Genre: Disjointed story, Disturbing implications, Drabbles, Former ff.net trash, G, Ghouls, Happiness not allowed, OCs that are strange, Occasional guest appearances from other fictional characters, People getting eaten by zombies, People getting killed, Squicky, Swearing, Zombies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 16:45:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4842863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otterdictator/pseuds/otterdictator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>52. Basic Rule 1 "If it moans, shoot it, if it screams for help afterwards, your aim is off."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Z is for Zombie

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Zombie Survival Guide or World War Z. or Rorschach from Watchmen.
> 
> Random little drabbles on some equally random prompts. More to come.
> 
> Never surrender, never. Not even in the face of Armageddon.
> 
> Reposted from ff.net with edits for the parts that make no sense.

**1\. Bird's Eye View**

Running, big mistake, but panic overrides common sense, he's heading right into a wall of G. Being able to see everything from the air really sucks sometimes. .

**2\. Stories**

Someone has been here, from the footprints, they just left recently. Can't blame them, there are more G here than I've seen in the last few days. Seems like whoever was living here tried to attract all the G in the area and pick them off as they came. From the reports of the search teams, the defenders ran out of ammo and got over run. Well...no point worrying over it, got to sweep the area.

**3\. Fun**

Steel gleaming, splattered with blood and brains. Careful, can't get dirty, blood carries infection. Fun, so much fun. Fun, can't be blamed for killing. Fun, fun fun.

**4\. 21**

"On three. One, two, three-" 21 rifles fire, morbidly ironic salute to the infected soldiers, as they kill themselves before they can turn.

**5\. Tag**

"COME ON MAGGOTS, LET'S PLAY A FRIENDLY GAME OF TAG WITH ZACK. HEADSHOTS MEAN THAT ZACK IS TAGGED OUT!"

**6\. Creative Use of School Supplies (I)**

"Okay…This is officially the first time I've ever seen someone use a plastic ruler to kill a G."

**7\. Rat**

"What's for dinner?"

"Rat. What else?"

"Can we have something different? Like chicken? We've had rat for so long that I've forgotten what chicken tastes like."

**8\. Resident Evil**

"….I'm so glad that we don't have zombie dogs, or sharks for that matter."

**9\. Brains**

"…Aren't zombies only supposed to eat brains? Why the Hell do Zed Heads eat flesh? It doesn't make any sense."

**10\. Idiot**

"…Dude, it's dead already. You can stop stabbing it you know."

**11\. Overkill Y/Y?**

"Okay…I understand dismembering and burning the G after hitting it with a Cherry PIE, BUT IS THE EXORCISM REALLY NEEDED?!"

**12\. Knives**

"…Dude, you need a better knife than that if you want to kill G. Like…a butcher knife or something."

**13\. Boring**

"After a while, shooting G gets really boring. Can we go out and smash their heads in with the Lobo or something? Just for a chance of pace."

"No."

**14\. Physics**

"…I understand that Zack can't feel anything, but seriously. That G must have been 600 pounds when it was alive, HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT THING WALK?"

**15\. Creepy**

"Hey, kid. Sarge wants everyone outside in 5. We got a mission." 

_"Enh. Good. Been bored. Ran out of G to kill around here. Right, be out in 5."_

"…Sarge, are you sure that kid isn't related to Rorschach?" 


	2. O rly?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is no spoon.
> 
> And editing this was an odd experience.

**21\. Honor**

"Tonight we celebrate the lives of those who have fallen to free our country and save our future! Tonight, we honor the brave souls who have fought against the undead blight! Tonight, we remember what it means to be human! To life, liberty, and justice for all!"

**22\. Murder**

This isn't the work of a G, it's undeniably the work of a human. Even now, when we can't spare a single person, there are murderers stalking in the shadows. It isn't right, but the world is never fair. 

Suck it up soldier, life goes on.

**23\. Animal**

It's fascinating, the single minded determination that zombies have. They just want to eat and eat and eat. The most basic drive of any living creature. The desire to eat, how…admirable.

**24\. Stupid Last Words**

"Did you hear something?"

**25\. Necromancy**

Using magic to control the dead? Ah, as fucking if. Bet all those psychos got eaten, that's why there aren't any necromancers any more. Funny.

**26\. Fire**

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure, just set damn thing on fire and let it wander around, setting other things on fire. Really brilliant, really fucking brilliant."

**27\. Scent**

The smell of the undead is bearable, a not quite rancid sort of stench, like sour pork and moldy tomatoes. You get used to it fast.

**28\. Am Not Happy**

Fallen through the floor of shitty apartment complex that squad was ordered investigate. Damn floor, will kill the carpenter for not reinforcing the beams. Ehn…kill carpenter later, escape basement full of G first.

**29\. Creation**

"What the Hell have you made?"

"The unifier of mankind, the key to a world of peace. It will cleanse the evil from our souls, turning the foolish and unworthy into walking reminders of what will no longer be tolerated."

**30\. Mainframe**

Server 0990: Error detected

…simulation error, Human dead = alive

…Does not compute

Rebooting…

Error erased, program fixed.

**31\. Plants**

It's ironic. The plant known as the "Living dead", cause of its lack of roots, eats zombies. Not kidding. Like something out of a movie. G wanders by, tentacles come out, plant eats G. Possible space alien? Must investigate further.

**32\. Boom**

"Explosives are rather pointless against the Undead. So stop making pipe bombs. The pipes are more valuable by themselves."

**33\. Medicine**

"You know what?"

"What?"

"Now these days, I actually hope that my doctor is better at killing things than at healing me."

**34\. Elements**

"If I could control an element, it would totally be fire! Cause then I could just burn the G and never have to worry about running out of ammo again."

_"…Stupid. Can't make fire if wet. Wet G don't burn. Idiot."_

"You don't have to be so mean Rust."

_"Meh…"_

**35\. Shopping**

Shopping has never been easier! Don't have to pay, just grab what you want and go! Be sure to bring a large wheeled transport of your precious goods. And a weapon, Zed Heads like to hide indoors.

**36\. Jewelry**

_"…"_

"Huh? For me? Thanks Rust, you're a sweetheart."

(short distance away)

"That is so not fair."

"Hey, the guy knows what a chick wants, suck it up Johnny."

"How was I supposed to know that she rather have a hunting knife?"

**37\. Books**

Hard cover books make great weapons. Especially when you drop them on a Zed-Head from 3 stories up. Fun, fun, fun.

**38\. Choices**

"Here is your choice, you can either be in the Northern Army or the Southern Army. The difference is that the North has to sweep each area three times, but the South has to deal with swamps. Take your pick."

**39\. Color**

"The new BDUs should be dark blue."

"Why? We don't have enough resources to spend on making a dye factory for BDUs. The uncolored versions work just as well as the colored versions."

"Navy blue doesn't show blood stains. Plus, it an outfit that resembles a uniform will raise moral."

**40\. Weddings.**

Getting married. Big event, lots of people.

A lot of fun, especially when the bride and groom are holding a G killing contest before, after, and during the ceremony. 

My money is on the bride.


	3. M is for Motherfu-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't own The Walking Dead.
> 
> ...why did I come up with this stuff?

**41\. The Walking Dead**

_"Don't complain. Not like The Walking Dead. Non-infected don't come back after death. Cheer up."_

"Rust, the fact that you're trying to cheer me up means we're in big trouble. So shut up and get back to killing the damn G before they eat us all."

_"…'kay."_

**42\. Squishy**

Oh yes, they're squishy, and stinky, and gross! Any little boy would love to have one of them for a toy. Call now to order your very own G! Ball gag not included.

_"…What."_

"…You want to call the Lt. about this poster or burn the company to the ground, kill all the employees, and then call the Lt."

_"Second one."_

"Thought so."

**43\. Puffer Fish**

"Eating fugu will not turn you into a zombie you moron, if you happen to eat tainted fugu you'll just die. Which I personally would not mind."

**44\. Rations**

"If we run out of food, I vote that we eat Johnny first."

"WHAT?! WHY NOT RUST?"

"Sorry private, but Rust is too skinny, not to mention a better shot than you."

_"…meh."_

**45\. Creative Use of School Supplies (II)**

Graphing calculators, they make them heavy for a reason. Be sure to have the cover plate on before smashing in a G's head, getting zombie goo on the screen might impede your ability to take midterms and finals.

**46 Chihuahuas**

_"Sarge. What are you doing?"_

"Hm? Sniping Zed Heads."

_"What are you using as bait? Makes lots of noise, can't sleep."_

"Sorry 'bout that Rust. It's my sister's Chihuahua by the way."

_"She doesn't know."_

"Yup. You know, I used to hate the little purse-rat, but know it's kinda growing on me."

_"Heh."_

**47\. Tadpoles**

Humans are like frogs, we start out as helpless little tadpoles and slowly grow into adults.

Zack on the other hand, grows straight from helpless to dangerous the moment it re-opens its eyes.

**48\. Silk**

A pointless material now, too much work for too little profit. Silkworms are used as food, fed to the meager livestock that have survived the Walking Blight. Sad, but eventually, someone will make silk again.

**49\. Shovel**

"WELCOME TO THE ORDER OF THE SHOVEL MAGGOTS! SHOVEL IS THE ONLY WEAPON YOU NEED. ALL HAIL SHOVEL!"

"Ehn…someone's been playing too much TF2."

**50\. Laugh**

"You know you've cracked when you start laughing during G burnings."

**51\. Punish**

Whipping is back in fashion, and all those BDSM kinks have new jobs as law enforcers.

**52\. Basic Rule (1)**

"If it moans, shoot it, if it screams for help afterwards, your aim is off."

**53\. Fishing**

If you go fishing, bring a buddy, a shotgun, and ride in a big boat.

**54\. Cake**

"Get cake he says, just run down to the store and grab some cakes from the snack shelves. DID HE FORGET THAT THE DAMN STORE IS FILLED WITH G?"

_"Meh…complain later, get to base first. Ho-oh's are mine by the way."_

**55\. Vitamins**

You know, vitamins do not protect against 'African Rabies'. So stop taking so many supplements, I swear you'll going to end up fossilized one day.

Not that I would mind.

**56\. Block**

Oh yes, block off all the passage ways in an out of your fort. Idiot, what the Hell are you going to do if you get overrun?

**57\. Birds**

There aren't any more great flocks, all those geese that used to fly up to Alaska to spend the summer? All gone. Used to be thousands of them, all molting their feathers at the same time. Zack got them, all of them, it's a real pity.

**58\. Coffee**

"I wish sometimes, that the coffee plantations were still growing coffee."

_"Rather have chocolate. And tea. No one makes them anymore. Too much work. Chocolate, can live without, but I really miss tea."_

"I know what you mean Rust. I know what you mean."

**59\. Why Me?**

"Hey, what is that?"

"…That?"

"Yah."

"HOLY SHIT, CHAINSWARM. ALERT HQ NOW, STARE LATER."

"Is that a problem?"

"Fucking noobs."

**60\. Baby**

There is nothing worse than a baby G. Nobody wants to step forward and kill it, even though it's just as dangerous as an adult G. The usual method is to dig a pit that the G can't crawl out of, dump it in, douse it in some flammable substance, and set it on fire. 

Nobody can point fingers, but everyone still feels shame .


	4. Buddy, get your eyes checked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AGN patrols the north.
> 
> AGS patrols the south.

**61\. Vampires**

Which one do you think is more bad-ass; albino, sparkly, overgrown mosquitoes or the cannibalistic reanimated corpse of your mother-in-law?

**62\. Vultures**

_"Saw vulture eating corpse, so hungry, didn't notice G walking up behind. Then it got eaten. Made me laugh."_

"You have one morbid sense of humor Rust."

**63\. IT'S A TRAP!**

"Man, that is one fucking hot girl."

"…Johnny, that is a mannequin."

**64\. Bamboo**

It grows fast, pandas eat it, and in a pinch it makes one awesome ass spear.

**65\. Cat**

If any species actually took the Walking Blight in stride, it was the cats. To them, Zack and the Average Joe are interchangeable, so no big deal.

**66\. Quisling**

Got transferred to the unit that rehabilitates Quisling. I don't get paid enough to deal with this crap.

**67\. Veteran**

"In 'Nam taking a walk through a patch of elephant grass might mean that you would step into some trap and lose a leg or an arm. Used to see guys walking around missing a limb or two. Tough times back then."

"…I have no sympathy for you. You never had to deal with Zack."

**68\. Acid**

Sad though it is, science has not yet found an acid capable of completely dissolving human bone and flesh in less than 10 seconds. Which sucks, cause it would be so much fun run around killing Zack with water guns.

**69\. FYI**

"There is a G behind you."

**70\. Mommy**

Sorry, screaming for mommy isn't going to save you this time.

**71\. Basic Rule 2 (AGN)**

"Wearing snow spikes is a must. Plus, they have the added benefit of smashing open any frozen Zed Heads that you accidentally walk on."

**72\. Basic Rule 2 (AGS)**

"When someone shouts 'Look out below', you better be looking down."

**73\. Window**

"Hey Rust? Rust where are you?!"

_"Look down."_

"…How the Hell did you…?"

_"Threw G out window. G held on. Fell out window as well."_

"Where is the G?"

_"Is that spot down there."_

"I can't decide whether to be impressed that you threw a G out of window or freaked out by the fact that you're hanging on to the window frame three stories down with nothing but a crowbar."

_"Less talking, more helping."_

"Right…"

**74\. Moron**

"You know, my uncle used to keep a couple of G chained up in his basement. I went down there once and there was all this dry white stuff on the floor. The next day, I left his house and joined the army."

_"…smart choice."_

"…Huh? Anegel why did you leave and what does Rust mean?"

"Let's not go into that."

_"Good idea."_

"Huh?"

**75\. Lemon**

When life give you lemons, make a slingshot out of surgical tubing and use the frozen lemons as ammo.

**76\. Chainsaws**

Only for dumbasses and those with a death wish.

**77\. Australia**

The Australians didn't have trouble with the Zombie War. Why? Cause they're so used to dealing with deadly creatures that adding one more to the list isn't a problem. 

**78\. The Force**

"I sense a disturbance in the Force. Oh wait, it's just the all the animals in the area have gone silent. Muster up boys! It's G hunting time."

**79\. Taboo**

Never tell an AGN grunt that the AGS are better.

Never tell an AGS grunt that the AGN are better.

Unless you have a death wish of course.

**80\. Kids**

"Hey Rust? Do you think I would make a good father?"

_"...What."_

"I mean, we need to repopulate the world after this."

_"No."_

"Why not?"

_"Can't get laid if G bites your crotch. Sex daydreams later, fight now."_


	5. I is for Impulses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Believe in the you that believes in me, even if I don't believe in myself.

**81\. Silent Hill**

"If we had Pyramid Head on our side, we would totally kick Zack ass."

**82\. Mercy**

On the field, mercy is a swig of vodka and a handshake before your partner blows your head off.

**83\. Sweet**

In between the battles and manly bragging, there are tender moments. A rough hug, a pat on the shoulder, praise for a young soldier.

Just little reminders that humanity lives on.

**84\. Insanity**

"Stop worrying about whether you're losing your mind or not. If you've lost your mind, then this is all a hallucination which means you're safe. If you're sane, that is a gift all in itself in this world."

**85\. Jedi**

"Lightsabers are totally awesome. Can I have one?"

**86\. Cruelty**

"Before joining army. One time saw group of Separatists. Where keeping other people trapped in a pit. No food, little water. Something about punishing liberals. Gave them a choice. Eat each other or eat Z-flesh. Still haunts me."

**87\. Aliens**

Somewhere in the universe, there is probably some alien wondering why their 'mutated homo sapien' ant farm hasn't arrived.

**88\. Heaven**

"If there is a Heaven, when I die I'm going to show up at the Pearly Gates give God and his angel buddies the middle finger, and then go to Hell and pitch G into flaming pits for all eternity. Why? Cause I'm happiest when killing G."

**89\. Compromise**

There is no compromising with a G, either it dies, or you die.

**90\. Sympathy**

_"Johnny, she wouldn't want to be seen like this...Do you want me to do it?"_

"No…it's okay Rust. I promised her. I…just need a couple of seconds."

_"…'kay."_

**91\. Vampires (2)**

**"…Dude…there isn't a difference between a G and a vampire. Both are dead. Both are reanimated. And both die if you burn them."**

****92\. Rage** **

**He just keeps hitting the boy, over and over. In his eyes, the boy has made an unforgivable mistake, and so the boy must pay. Nobody tries to stop him, it would be foolish to try.**

**He snarls curses at the bloodied and prone form below him.**

**But all the anger in the world won't cure his partner of the Z-virus.**

****93\. Wedding** **

**"We're all married to death kiddo, whether she comes for us now or later. So enjoy life, 'kay?"**

****94\. Panic** **

**"ZOMBIES!"**

**"Wow, look at them run."**

**"Ah…the things I'll do to get the last copy of Left 4 Dead 2."**

**"You sir, are a dick."**

****95\. Pitfall** **

**The worst trap that Sarge has ever seen was a pitfall trap with sharpened stakes at the bottom. Sharpened stakes with Z-flesh smeared all over them.**

****96\. Sadism** **

**"Enjoying another person's pain? It makes me happy. And here, be happy, or be insane."**

****97\. Arc** **

**"We still got zombies cause when God flooded the world, all that Zack did was walk underwater and follow the giant floating bowl of meat."**

****98\. Basement Cat** **

**And Basement Cat said, "Do not want humanz, GTFO." So zombies where made.**

****99\. Basic Rule (3)** **

**On Halloween, NEVER, EVER, dress up as a zombie. You will be killed. Painfully.**

****100\. Shark** **

**"There aren't that many sharks anymore. Not enough food, and all the bottom dwelling species got eaten by Zack. It's a pity, sharks were such majestic creatures."**


	6. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heterosexual life partners forever. 
> 
> And something slightly different.

**E is for Example**

Just the sight of bodies hanging from posts is bad enough, but the fact that a few minutes ago, those bodies where living people makes it worse. Most of the bodies are jerking, the greedy hands of Zack pulling at whatever flesh that is in reach. What a horrible way to die, dramatic, but horrible.

This was supposed to be a routine patrol, nothing exciting, but life just has to bitch-slap him in the face. It figures that he and his squad would be captured by a self-proclaimed sect of God dedicated to cleansing the Earth of all those who do not believe; since according to the High Priest of Orleans, nonbelievers are the "source" of the walking dead.

If Rust was here, he would probably make fun of him for getting captured.

The world spins, lights flaring up then fading. Dimly he hears Johnny's cries of outrage, and the low growls from the rest of his squad. Red drips to the dusty floor, gleaming for a moment before turning dark and dull. He is next, he would fight, but his limbs can't move and everything is fuzzy.

"These misguided souls will serve to be examples for those who stray from God's path…"

They're hooking him up, so that they can swing his unwilling body over the pit and lower it inch by inch, till he dies. If this wasn't so serious, he would appreciate the cruel brilliance of the act. A method of death that requires no human executioner, and is justified under the insane laws of the High Priest of Orleans.

"…And in the eyes of our Lord, should these men be innocence, they shall be saved from the legions of Hell. If they have done wrong in the eyes of the Lord, then Satan's brood will welcome their own..."

Sheer fucking brilliance.

"…Let us all pray, that these poor souls find redemption in the next world-…"

The High Priest's head explodes, showering everyone with a multicolored rain of brains and bone. A stray thought crosses his mind, the High Priest's body should fall into the G pit, for the irony factor. But it doesn't, instead, the corpse is slumped over, supported by chest high railing, dripping blood on the G below. Hysterical screaming ensues, from the devote masses who had been praying but a moment earlier.

 _"SHUT UP. Next person who screams, I kill."_ A familiar voice booms out, amplified over the sound of helicopter blades. He blinks in surprise, when did the Air Force get here? With some difficulty, he focuses on the shouting figure, and stares for a moment, utterly surprised.

A real smile crosses his face, "Hey Rust, what are you doing here?" The words come out slurred, and he giggles a bit, amused by the sound of his own voice.

The lieutenant seems to hear his feeble words over the din of helicopters and quietly sobbing people. Suddenly, he sees the barrel of Rust's sniper rifle leveled at his head and grim expression on the lieutenant's face, before everything goes dark.

_"Wake up idiot. Getting bored. Have better things to do than watch sleeping idiots who get caught by fanatical morons"_

The scratchy voice of his best friend/superior officer rouses him from a peaceful slumber. The first thing that greets his eyes are Rust's boot's, the lieutenant having propped them up on the edge of the hospital bed.

_"Awake now? Good. Going to get something to eat. Johnny, guard."_

As the shorter, thinner man slinks away, Johnny's over-eager face fills his vision.

"How you feeling Sarge? Hope you are doing better, cause you took a really nasty blow to the head. Not to mention that that one guy tried to smash your brain in when Rust and the Captain caught up to them. But Rust blew the guy's head off! Everyone was so worried for you, and we all hoped you wouldn't die. Even though Rust said you wouldn't, but that is Rust, and he is insane and I don't know why they promoted him over you and..."

Sarge sighs, allowing a weary smile to cross his face. Johnny's babbling is a soothing distraction from the pounding headache that he has. He would like to tell the boy to go and rest, but he can't summon the strength to speak at the moment.

As he dozes off, he smiles, Rust is so predictable.


	7. Magic the Gathering Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like MtG. 
> 
> skipperxotter is my ff.net name.

**Johnny**

Mana cost: (1)[Plains/Forest]

Creature – Human Soldier

Mob Mentality: For every Soldier card put into play, put a 0/+1 counter on Johnny.

Last stand: (4) Sacrifice Johnny and search through your library for a Human card, put it into play and shuffle your library.

1/1

_"Unlike Private Ryan, nobody is going to save him if he is stuck behind enemy lines."_

**Sgt. Sarge**

Mana cost: (3)[Plains][Plains]

Creature – Human Soldier

Defender

Rally: Every Human card has +0/+2

2/5

_"We will succeed!"_

**Lt. Rust**

Mana cost: (5)[Swamp/Plains][Swamp/Plains]

Legendary Creature – Human Soldier

Haste, First strike, Vigilance

Recall: (1)[Plains][Swamp][Forest][Mountain][Island], put Lt. Rust into play from your graveyard

6/6

_"His soldiers fear him more than the enemy."_

**Kamet**

Mana cost: (2)[Island][Island]

Creature: Human Medic

Shielded: Kamet cannot be the targeted by abilities

Boost: tap, give any one Human card +2/+1 till end of turn. Play this ability at any time you would play an instant.

0/6

**Gravelord.**

_"Do not want to fight 5/5 zombie token."_

"THAT THING IS A TOKEN!?"

"Well this sucks."

**Unfair**

"Question. Why the Hell is Rust SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER THAN THE REST OF US?"

"…cause Skipper is biased towards him."

"THAT IS NOT FAIR."

**Zombie Master**

_"Kill the bloody Zombie Master first. Or we are all screwed."_

"Hey! You're still in Skipper's hand, so shut up!"

_"The zombies have swamp walk now, kill the Zombie Master already."_

"And whose fault is it that Skipper had to put down a swamp."

_"Shut up."_

**Gravespawn Sovereign**

"The Cabal never expected its creations to create servants of their own."

_"...Idiots."_

"I totally agree."


	8. Numbers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resistance is futile?

**Ten Rules [Civilian]**

Always bring two buddies with you.

Always carry a melee weapon, one for each party member.

Never stay out after dark.

When in doubt, let the professionals handle the problem.

Pay attention. Vigilance will save your life.

Wear your bite-proof boots at all times.

Bring a pet if unable to bring a friend.

When all goes silent, it is time to muster up.

Practice with your weapons. Practice. Practice. Practice.

If your gun breaks down, run.

**Ten Awards**

First of Many : first zombie killed

Bookworm: 25 zombies killed, with nothing but you, a stack of hardcover library books, and a safe position from which to drop said books

Jedi: 200 zombies killed, with any bladed weapon of choice

Shawn of the Dead: 10 zombies killed, with only a pool cue

Ceiling Cat: 200 zombies killed, while dangling/hanging from the ceiling. [underside of a bridge is allowed]

Basement Cat: 200 zombies killed, while underground

Hammer Time! : 150 zombies killed, with only a hammer

SPY CHECK! : Killing zombies with fire, lots and lots of fire, without burning yourself/allies/house/forest/dog

Penny Slots: Death by penny shooting staple gun, need I say more?

Chiller: 100 frozen zombies killed

**Ten Nightmares**

"Watching a friend be eaten alive." – Sarge

"Seeing a fresh hoard on the horizon, when you just managed to survive a fight with one chain swarm already." – Private Johnny

_"...The fanatically religious and their beliefs... I am the one who has to kill the idiots when they reanimate AND fill out the damn paperwork that comes afterward."_ – Lt. Rust

"Getting to a safe zone, and finding that all the people have killed themselves. And then having to live with the knowledge that all those organs are wasted." – Dr. Kamet

"That this is all a part of God's plan, that this is a punishment for straying from the true path." – Unknown

"Mummies. I hate having to learn about ancient Egypt, it reminds me too much of the Biters." – Alexi, age 11

"Having to see my brother grow old before my eyes, losing all the innocence and happiness that he used to have." Julie, age 36

"Getting the letter in the mail and being told that your child or sibling or spouse's burial has already been taken care of. And knowing what that means…" – Unknown

"Waking up one day and looking out the window to see nothing but a sea of Zack." – Kakumaru, age 42

"F-lions, enough said." – Unknown

**Ten Hopes**

"One day, we'll rebuild everything that was lost." – Sarge

"Things will be safe, but there'll still be Zack to kill." – Unknown

"An antidote or vaccine for the Z-virus will be made, so that no one has to worry about infection anymore." – Dr. Kamet

_"...Someone will start growing tea again."_ – Lt. Rust

"That there is a God, just so I can yell at him for being a frickin' douche." – Unknown

"I'll live long enough to get married, not matter what Rust says." – Johnny

"I want to live in the sky." – Grace, age 9

"Everyone, nations included, will be too busy killing Zack to even think about fighting each other." – Thompson, age 33

"Colleges will reopen." – Chase, age 19

"People will remember that there is always hope." – Unknown

**Ten Names**

Serenity: "May you find peace in the next world." [unnamed infant G, found and eliminated on patrol by AGS, preceding words carved onto make-shift grave marker.]

Rust: "My name means nothing. It is simply a title, a label, so that I can be called upon when needed."

Sarge: "Call me Sarge, none of that "Sergeant Zim" business, we're all family out here."

Johnny: "For the last time, MY GIRLFRIEND IS NOT NAMED FIONA AND MY NAME IS NOT SCOTTY."

Hope: I'm willing to bet that this name is going to skyrocket in popularity.

Zack: Don't think that this name is going to show up on many birth certificates.

Bob: Short, easy to remember, good name. And most importantly, easy to yell; which is almost a requirement when fighting G.

Kamet: "Skipper named me after her Pikachu. HER PIKACHU. I DO NOT LIKE BEING NAMED AFTER A POKEMON."

Skipper: "…there is no correlation with my [pen]name and this story. Except for the naval reference."

Scout: You do want your child to grow up like the TF2 Scout, yes. Baseball bats. Yes…

**Ten Steps [to writing WWZ fanfiction]**

A. Read WWZ completely (e. i. from cover to cover, even the publishing date and the random advertisement in the back)

B. Think (do not skip this step)

C. Reread WWZ, ponder the fickle nature of human beings

D. Consider various themes and storylines, reread WWZ, cross check any missed facts

E. Pick a theme, write (paper or word processer, it does not matter, just write)

G. Edit your fanfiction, angst/rage at self for writing a piece of shit (angsting is optional, editing is not)

H. Rewrite fanfiction, drink caffeinated/sugary liquid

I. Review and edit (required)

J. Repeat steps A – I as needed

K. Post ~~and weep in misery~~

**Ten Weapons [Sarcasm Style]**

Garroting Wire: cause strangling a creature that doesn't breathe is so very effective.

Rosary: Zombies are not vampires.

Crowbar: good, old-fashioned, zombie killing fun.

Brick: Much more effective when used to fortify your safe zone.

Lawn mower: Only if all zombies are the size of a blade of grass.

Whip: No, just no.

Knitting needle: Eh…only if you want to get within arm range.

Blow Darts: Lame, idiotic version of a sling.

Steak knife: Might as well go and slit your wrists now.

Plastic ruler: Only if you are insane, or insanely lucky.

**Ten Days: Zombie Life**

Day 1: Still human, fighting for your life

Day 2: Fortress was overrun, you flee, leaving a chunk of your arm in the teeth of your reanimated ex

Day 3: Fever sets in, you die

Day 4: Reanimation, start slouching around

Day 5: Looking for meat creatures, didn't find any, ate fuzzy twitchy object

Day 6: Slouching

Day 7: Slouching, ate fuzzy object

Day 8: Bumped into something, kept slouching

Day 9: Heard a howl, slouched in direction of howl

Day 10: Head shot, game over.

**Ten Colors**

Grey: Despair. Sorrow. Nightmares.

Blue: Valor. Protection. Companionship.

Red: Pre-war opulence. Birth. Painful lessons.

White: Snow. A last resort. Death.

Brown: Dirt. Life. Normality.

Black: Fear. Hiding. Wariness.

Green: Swamps. Food. Peace.

Tan: Humans. Safety. Comfort.

Silver: Weapons. Blind faith. Recycling.

Orange: Nuclear sunrise.

**Ten Words**

Kill zombies. Stay alive. Always save one bullet for yourself.


End file.
